


vivien speaks on the subject of galahad the pure and purely obnoxious

by nonisland



Series: gazebo ’verse [4]
Category: Arthurian Mythology, The Trial of Lancelot (song)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, Humor, Meta, POV First Person, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-01
Updated: 2010-02-01
Packaged: 2017-10-14 06:50:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonisland/pseuds/nonisland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>So fine, the lad’s the Grail Quester, how nice for him.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	vivien speaks on the subject of galahad the pure and purely obnoxious

**Author's Note:**

> Concept comes from Heather Dale’s song “The Trial of Lancelot”, on the album of the same name.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Should you find something, whilst reading one of my stories, that offends you/is incorrect/could offend others/is in any way problematic, please please _please_ do not hesitate to tell me. I will never spew hate at you, I will never attack you, and I will _always_ thank you for taking the time to let me know.

You just _know_ if it hadn’t been for the seriousness of the situation Arthur would have been slowly and dramatically beating his head against the table because he couldn’t even find the _words_ to describe how incredibly offensive Galahad’s sanctimonious attitude was. So fine, the lad’s the Grail Quester, how nice for him. Last Arthur checked, that didn’t actually make him Almighty _God_ , or even a mouthpiece. At least not officially. And certainly not _yet_. But this is life and death, his beloved wife and his dearest friend, and Tristan was so clearly biased, and Gawain was... well... _Gawain_. And if a man’s own son won’t argue for his life, even the High King can only do so much.

Tristan _was_ taking deep breaths—meditation breaths, they would call them later, or yoga breaths, something to center him in his body so he didn’t suggest the lad have the stick up his arse apparently the size of a full-grown _oak_ removed forcibly with the nearest sharp implement. Pure, he was learning, well—you know, you’ve met Galahad—it didn’t mean nice, or good with people, or anything like that, and really, did Galahad even _think_ before he said anything? Sometimes adultery and the like just sort of... _happened_.

Which, really, I mean, they _do_ , sometimes even truly by _accident_ , and they’re both _very startled_. You see a lot if you’re working with Merlin. I think I’ve stopped being surprised by _anything_.

Gawain was thinking about the oak-sized stick too—I like Gawain, rather; I mean, he’s a bit... well. _You_ know. Very “I am knight! I slay dragon and rescue damsel!” But he’s a good man despite that, and loyal, and kind. And I actually don’t think he’s slain many dragons, exactly, which is all for the best because they’re rather rare these days and most just want to be left _alone_. And he knew, because he has the ability to deal with people better than a half-dead slug or a Grail Knight, that Galahad had just been very insulting, and I really _never_ thought I’d see the day when _Gawain_ was being the socially adept one.

I supposed I haven’t stopped being surprised by anything at all, after all.

Even Kay, who’d argued like Galahad for Lancelot’s death, was taken aback by Galahad’s sermon. He’d made his argument as a point of law: it is treason to bed your king’s wife; the punishment for treason is death. Once a king starts making exceptions for treason, you end up with ruin and desolation and insurrection and civil war and _dynastic succession_. Which, in the end, they _did_ , so in a way Kay had a point and in another he might just as well have stayed silent, because clearly if Arthur had just sort of calmed down about the whole thing nothing would ever have _happened_. But anyway, Kay hadn’t meant it as a whole hellfire-and-brimstone thing, just as the _law_ , and it was always disconcerting when people take the law and make it a whole _issue_.

Men are real idiots sometimes, you know? I mean, so are women, of course, but the way Merlin’s explained things nearly everything that went wrong for them happened because of an excess of manliness. Or an excess of attempted manliness.

And then there was me, but that really didn’t work out the way everyone said.


End file.
